Child: "Mummy!! Bhukh lagi hai....
Mummy: Bas 2 mins....
Most of us can relate to this instant happiness of 2 minutes. That's how Maggie Noodles led us into the world of Instant Gratification.
Many multi billion industries have been leveraging our want of "Instant Gratification". These industries are giving us greater comfort, pleasure and growth, but significantly reducing our patience and tolerance over a period of time. Visibly nowadays, grownups are having difficulties in managing and processing unpleasant/uncomfortable emotions. Online connect is preferred over in person connect. Our tolerance to complex family dynamics is reducing. We are trying to escape from any challenging situation, looking for a quick fix. It is becoming convenient to push our emotions under the carpet and not do anything about it till it becomes a big problem.
We are forgetting Nature's law, everything takes its own time! We are losing touch with ourselves.
While we have crossed half the bridge, our children are feeling the brunt of this problem. They are building their foundations of life in this world of instant gratification, which is shaky and temporary. Our words and behaviour are giving conflicting messages to this problem. Because, we are going through emotional distress due to lack of time and pursuit of happiness 24 X 7.
Parenting challenges are on the rise because of children's constant demand for instant gratification in daily life. They are finding it extremely difficult to stay focus in academics, extra curricular activities, friendship, personal goals. They have difficulties in handling failures and are ready to give up.
While we can't change the world, we can bring small changes in us and our family routines.
1). It is not our children's fault that they were born into the world of instant gratification. We have played our part by immediately giving them what they want. We may have done that for many reasons such as comfort, guilt, need to be liked by them, making them happy or making their childhood better than ours. Let's accept the fact and not blame them.
2). Consciously observe the number of times we give into instant gratification in our daily routine. Understand the pattern and discuss about it. Design strategies to handle these situations as a family. For ex, taking the mobile phone as soon as we get a little free time , the desire to order food / shop due to boredom or laziness etc. Let children know that they are not alone fighting with this problem.
3). Model patience and tolerance in our behaviour and communication to them. Set an example for them to manage instant gratification and stay focused.
4). It is OK to stay with unpleasant/uncomfortable feelings and process it. Help them with the process, Awareness - Acknowledgement - Expression - Management. Let them understand why they do what they do.
5). Help children to think and visualize the feeling / experience after achieving a goal that they had set. Give them cues with reference to the end result to stay focused on the process.
6). Real life experiences will make them understand that instant gratification is short lived. They might get momentarily happiness but that feeling won't last for long. For ex. Feeling bloated after binge eating / postponing studies for engaging in social media / giving up on a friend for a fight.
Instant Gratification is a silent killer. It is creating an illusion of Unlimited Happiness Anytime Anywhere but significantly affecting our learning generation's holistic growth and mental well-being. Instead of fighting/arguing with children about their want of instant gratification, enquire about their needs for it, empathize with the struggle and engage by suggesting alternatives/redirecting their focus.
This problem will not go away in just 2 mins, it will take time:).
Article written by Chaitali Shroff,Co-Founder, HEAL Foundation