Beyond Labels & Judgements

“My child is not hardworking “, is lazy, is stuck, is a blue – lover, is insincere, is adamant, is aloof, is hyper, is this, is that, …….…and the list of labels are endless.

The labelling doesn’t actually begin with the child. It begins with the expectations and experiences the parents bring to their parenting. These labels are reflections of parental minds based on their own set of ideas, beliefs and perceptions - rather than the child’s actual developmental needs. So, when a teenager decides to try a different solution to a problem than the one we suggested, we may end up labelling – “doesn’t listen”!!! And once we stick a convenient label onto them, we close the possibility of allowing ourselves to explore their unique minds, individual strengths and their potential for growth.

We generally tend to become angry and frustrated when we say, “The child is not doing…”. We see the behaviour as a choice and start looking for quick fixes and solutions to relieve our own discomfort and anxiety about it. But what if we reframe it as, “The child is unable to…”?

This simple thought shift opens up a different way of looking at the child now. We begin to recognise that there may be something making the task difficult for them. Something they may not yet have the skills or capacity to manage. So instead of asking, “Why won’t the child do it?”, we may begin to ask, “What is making it difficult for the child to do it?” The conversations should then flow; inside-out.

Now we become curious and try to understand more about the inability. Now we understand and accept a child’s difficulty and begin to support them from a place of empathy. Nothing big happened here. Just a very subtle shift in our own thinking. But this small shift can have a significant impact on our relationship with our children, their emotional well-being and the overall peace at home.

Also, a label that begins at home can quickly travel far beyond the family. Once a parent casually describes a child as “lazy,” “difficult,” “shy,” “stubborn,” “not serious” or “always distracted,” the label may be picked up by neighbours, relatives, teachers, family friends and eventually peers. Often, the original statement is repeated without anyone knowing what actually led to it, whether it was said in frustration, or whether it was ever accurate in the first place. Children choke under the feeling that there is no space where they can simply be themselves without being judged. They fear more labels and ridicule and gradually stop turning to their parents for help. They end up feeling misunderstood, isolated or unsupported and constantly look for judgement free spaces for answers and support; mostly the online world with AI friends.

We may blame this generation for everything they do, but we must also look at the environment in which they started growing. The words they hear, the labels they carry, and the ways in which their true struggles are compared, understood (or misunderstood), can shape how they see themselves and their emotional world. So the next time we hurry to stick a new label, PAUSE, and remember the 3 Es:

Enquire → Empathize → Engage.

Let HOME be the place where they do not have to defend themselves, let PARENTS be the people they can turn to without fear of judgement and let our THOUGHTS be flexible enough to offer them the kind understanding and support, whenever they need it the most.

Written by Team HEAL

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