Let's get real...

We are the generation of parents who are open minded and forward looking yet extremely conservative in discussing certain topics with our children, like sexuality, sex, marriage, divorce, birth, death, abuse etc. Each of us carries different values and beliefs about these topics based on our culture, upbringing and experiences. It is important that our children know about these topics from us, before they start forming their own beliefs and values based on the information they have access to. As parents, it is our responsibility to let them know about our values and beliefs and giving them freedom to choose their own.

My observations across interactions with adolescents are that they feel extremely confused and lost about some of these topics. They are uncomfortable discussing these aspects with parents and it hinders their process of self-discovery during this phase. During adolescence, they have many questions; they are in the process of restructuring and rebuilding their brain connections, by attaching the understanding and meaning to the World based on their experiences and information.

While we can restrict discussing these taboo topics inside home, what happens outside of our home and how it influences / impacts our children is beyond our control. Hence it is necessary for us to discuss these topics with our children at the appropriate time and make it a fact based discourse.

This is a continuous process and requires ground work to create a safe, non-judgmental environment to discuss these topics,

• Staying emotionally connected: Create time, space and connection where we interact with our children on anything other than regular dos/don’ts. This requires dedication and consistency from you to make it as a routine. We need to build the trust and emotional connect where they know that we are ready to hear them without any judgement on any topics and come to us without any fear.

• What's on their mind?: Ask their views about any of these topics based on movies, songs, news or any other references. The key here is to make them talk. Listen more and talk less; help them to express their thoughts. Without understanding their mind / thought process, you cannot guide or redirect them.

• Let's get real: Many a times when situations related to these topics arise in our close circle, we think or believe that our children need not know about the it, they may not understand, they are too young etc. But let us not try to create an ideal World for them because it is not real; remember these experiences prepare them to face the real World challenges. Do not be afraid. Let them know what is happening around them, explain it and make them understand. Let them think, express and discuss. Let them build resilience using their own healthy coping mechanisms.

It is extremely important to expose our children to real life problems for them to get to know themselves and learn to manage their thoughts/emotions while being with us (their safety nets). Let’s us believe in them, let them experience ALL emotions, give them the space to fall and learn; they will become a better version of themselves.

Written by Ms. Chaitali Shroff, Co-founder HEAL Foundation, SEL Educator